I read
The Good Women of China by
Xinran on the way to and from Hong Kong. I could not put it down. Reading it, I felt that I was holding the stories of all the women that suffered so that I could be where I am. Saying this, reminds me of what my dad's friend said during dinner one night: "Our generation is the layer of dead corpses that has helped elevate the future generations rise in China - their success lies in the sacrifices we made." Seeing him shake his head, sigh and look down at his food made me so sad. Everyone only has one life to live - it does seem terribly unfair to be born in the wrong time.
Reading the book also made me think more about my interactions with other people, the stories that I know and should know. It made me wonder a lot about my maternal grandmother and the life she lead. I remember always wondering about her fingers when I was little. I always looked at them because some of her nails and finger tips were severely crooked and deformed. My mom told me it was from a disease a long time ago. There was no treatment and it was surprising that my grandma recovered. They all thought she was going to die. Every time my grandma caught me staring at her hands, she would hide them and tell me not to look. I remember being sad because my dad always sad my mom had beautiful hands. Perhaps she got them from my grandma? My grandma worked so hard in her life though, that any sign of youth and beauty would have withered away long before I was born.
She always hid her sadness from us. About six years ago, when I went back to Hong Kong, I asked her to tell me who her family members were, what it was like growing up in rural China. There is so much I want to know...all she said was that there was so much suffering and sadness so it is better that I don't ask and that she doesn't tell.
Now reading Xinran's book, I wish I had a better picture of Grandma's life. What it was like for her and my mother during the eight years that my grandpa fled to Hong Kong to cure his sickness and try to find a better life. Were they mistreated? Did they have enough food to eat? Did my mom have toys to play with? And when they finally came to Hong Kong...was that the first time my mom went to school? It seems the more I read, the more questions I realize I forgot to ask. But I think I knew I wanted to ask them...I just know that I should not ask people hard questions. My heart feels so unsettled.
I am glad I came across this book. I think a good book is like a mirror.
If you have time, you should definitely read it. The stories are heart wrenching. I thought the saddest story was the story about these lovers that were separated during the cultural revolution and the woman waited and searched for the man for 45 years. I cannot believe it is a true story. It seems there is such a fine line between being a hopeful romantic and stupid. When I think of this woman's story, I also think...there is only one life to live and she sacrificed literally everything in hope of one day reuniting with this man. This book, though, also makes you hate men. So many interesting quotes too. The two that I really like are:
1) A quote Xinran uses often on air: "If you can't make someone happy, don't give them hope." This is in reference to pretending to like somone/leading people on. It's not very caring. If I ever have adolescent children, I'm going to drive this into their heads.
2) Xinran says this is how successful women feel in China: "Behind every successful woman, there is a man who causes her pain."
I'm very interested in Xinran now. I wonder what other stories she has that she has not shared with everyone yet. I wonder if I can find some archives of her broadcasts and listen to them. That would require me to learn more mandarin...I think it's worth it though. I want to know more about Chinese women.
