Thinking about Romance

definition of "ro·mance"

1. A love affair.
2. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love.
3. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something.
4. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful

Which gets me thinking...

Romance is everywhere, yet no where to be found.

I sense it all the time.

In the butterfly that waltzed its way by me as I was crossing the street by Lake Calhoun
In the powdery milk tea that dissolved into the water as I mixed it with my spoon
In the colors of the photo I took of Hanauma Bay during my visit to Hawaii in October of 2005
In the way I catch myself smiling while doing a salsa spin

Yet, it's all intangible. A fleeting moment experienced and then...just like it magically appears...it disappears...like fluffing the dust off pillows. One moment you see the dust...and then...it all settles out of sight.

Perhaps this magic sort of acts like a gift that keeps on giving. And it goes on to the next person that needs an extra uplift for the day.

Currently I feel like I'm bosu-ing again. And although I know I'm an adult...I still feel like I'm balancing the naivete of youth and the groundedness of adulthood. I also find myself "romancing" the dimensions of my life. The past, the present and the future (that seems so close but so far far away).

Looking into the past, I now know that romance explains a lot of things:

A glance is not just a glance.
A soft caress is not really just that.
A kiss is not *any* kiss.

And when you become experienced enough of a person to realize these things...
you let out a deep...exasperated... sigh.

Because...this might mean unrequited love.

Or just plain confusion.

Or just obnoxious dismay on how unfair life is.

The saddest part of growing up is also acknowledging when romance has left. Checked out. It's like looking at all the happiest most memorable photos you have up on the wall and seeing them with only you remaining. Then you have the sudden disappointment of knowing that you have to trek all over the world for another main character. Not a replacement per se, but just something different... (P.S. I abhor the word different. Seems like it's always used against me in so called surprise wars against Venora.)

And just like it appeared...I presently now know that:

A glance is all it is.
A soft caress is a miscalculated gesture.
A kiss can feel empty.

Like a little bunny, romance has tip toed away.

For me, I know because my day dreams are slowly getting more fuzzy. Like watching old favorite video tapes. Things look different than what's stored in my memory. My memories now make me feel differently than what it seems like it did just a moment ago. I don't quite wear the same smile upon reminiscing.

All of this, actually, rather amuses me. It's like accidently grabbing the wrong persons hand and realizing it after 3.5 steps...CRAP...and you make a slight gasp. It's kind of embarassing, but sweet, in a weird sort of way. (Sigh) but romance is everywhere...just not found in every aspect of my life. Maybe next week I'll send Romance an invitation. Ask for it to come visit when it shall be convenient. Or maybe I should be more forceful and just set a date. I'll write, "You must visit soon. I insist. P.S. Perhaps next weekend? P.P.S. Can you only visit for a while because I don't want you to disrupt my life?" Does it work that way?

I 'll even sign it xoxo.